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Paraprosdokian Sentences - Part 1
(Is there really such a word?
...Not according to my spell-checker, anyway!)



I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level - and then beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is to hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it into a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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Paraprosdokian Sentences - Part 2


A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops...
So on my desk, I have a work station.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire - but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies ... Not really good for anything - but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career but it turns out that I just wanted the pay.

A bank is a place that will lend you money - but only if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application form; in the part that says, "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... So I said, "Implants?"

Why do people believe you when you say that there are four billion stars - but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men...
Not until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut - and still think that they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Behind every successful man is his woman. And behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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Paraprosdokian Sentences - Part 3


You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real - but they do have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home - even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered that I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling - and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

I always take life with a grain of salt - plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember that the Fire Brigade usually use water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target; shoot first and then call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some people see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that always runs twice as fast when you are after it, as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.